Even say that you aren’t my soulmate. I can’t fathom my life without you.
I can’t believe you’re my longest best friend. That it’s been over a decade of memories and friendship.
I’m sad that I have lost you, or at least I should say I’m sad that things have changed. Especially because I don’t know what happened.
I’m so happy that you’re in my life. That we can laugh together, be stupid and immature together, and have such a great relationship.
Four statements. One draft blog post. Two different nights thoughts. I suppose a lot of vagueness. I read this and can see it being interpreted in many ways. I’d be shocked if anyone actually interpreted it as I mean it though.
I’m sure it’s been too long of a day and I shouldn’t try to write a blog post, but it’s honestly when I feel the most relaxed and at ease. The words flow easier and Lord knows that at least I’m here to listen to myself. I don’t say that to invite pity or insinuate that no one wants to listen to me, I know that’s not true, but in a busy world where there is so much happening, I can truly only rely on me and my fur kids.
This Goober is desperate for my (for anyone’s) attention and I love her to pieces. Her independence yet need to be close is so synonymous with me that it’s scary. Sometimes all she wants is to make out with someone I think. I feel ya, Pandora. Samesies. If I miss anything from a relationship besides the intimacy, it’s the making out. She gets that. (But God it’s so gross when she tries to lick my face, I never let her! It’s not the same…)
Sometimes it’s the little things. Sometimes it’s more. Usually though, it’s the small moments that stick with us and mean the most. It’s been close to two years that I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal (consistently, I’ve been off and on keeping one for about four years). The photos here may not come through but I hope that they do. If I were to count up my moments in the past four years, it would be obvious when some of my most grateful memories would be. A smile here, a text there, a quiet moment in a shared presence.
After years of little moments…it’s hard to acknowledge that maybe I took those for granted, or for more than they were worth. It’s hard to ignore my gut that says I’m lying to myself. But I can’t kid myself anymore and I acknowledge that I may very likely be very wrong. Just because I believe in reincarnation, and have had “flashbacks”, doesn’t mean I’m right. It probably means that I have an overactive imagination. And you know what….Hope sucks. As Gordita and I fondly remind ourselves of. And that’s ok…I know that everything can change in the blink of an eye. No use stressing or fretting about what my future could hold, all I can do is enjoy the moment I’m currently in.
My gratitude for today can’t be just one thing. It started out simple. Then became an awkward fist bump situation. Then a pleasant buzz of busy settled on me and a conversation about “let’s go to that brewery where we took off our clothes!” became a laughable moment of misspoken meaning (the sentence should have been “it was so hot by the fireplace we all took our jackets off”….jackets, not clothes lol) and an incredible Colorado evening with perfect weather and a hilarious companion. I’m so lucky to be where I am with the people in my life around me.
I’ll end this post with what my gratitude entry will be for today: Awkward, whiny, fist bump/high five, amazing office-mates & great coworkers, and Colorado beer and sunsets. ❤️